Last week I shared my big news about being featured in the bestseller sequel The Twelve Secrets of Highly Successful Women. Am I still glowing with excitement? Of course I am! Unexpected fame is such a juicy opportunity to share my passion, creativity and joy!

Besides getting to share the spotlight with the very women I myself admire (Lisa Sasevich, Ali Brown, Victoria Moran and and JJ Virgin, just to name a few), this week I had the opportunity to interview author Gail McMeekin herself!

It was a tremendous honor to be interviewed by her about my own personal road to success for the book. I naturally was so excited to turn the tables and get her insight on core issues that affect all relationships.

My Interview With Bestselling Author Gail McMeekin

 1. Gail, what have you noticed is the biggest challenge for women in being a type-A go-getter on the one hand, but then flipping the switch to being receptive, trusting and feminine in the bedroom?

While you can’t beat spontaneity in the bedroom, changing gears is often too hard unless you make a plan, strange as that sounds. Women need time to unplug, get in the mood, and spend quality time with their partner. We also know that having our partner do something special for us can be an aphrodisiac. It can even be something as simple as unloading the dishwasher, picking up your dry-cleaning, taking the kids so you can have some quiet time, or massaging your feet.

In my own life and in the lives of clients, date nights really do work. You clear the decks and go out together and have some fun, break some patterns and get out of ruts, and remember why you are a couple! And when you go out, don’t sit at a restaurant both texting other people on your phones. Romance needs our full attention.

Each of us has our own mix of masculine and feminine styles, and ideally we want to integrate them so that we don’t feel like two different people – aggressive at work, and passive in romance. We want to find our Authentic Self and try to be her in all situations – but we still have to flip a switch from work to love mode  and be conscious about it.

2. How do you personally keep your marriage H O T?

I adore my husband, so that makes it pretty easy to stay connected. We love to travel and find romantic places to stay and re-discover each other. We do have date nights, either at home or out, where we play music we love and hide out from work and other responsibilities – or go out and do something novel that we can both enjoy.

When we moved into our house our bedroom was painted red, which the Feng Shui folks say is an erotic color. We have grown to like the warm feeling in that room and have kept the color. Even though I am a writer/coach and work at home some days in my PJ’s or sweats, I make a point to put on something attractive in the evening to change the mood from work, to play! We also love to take walks and hold hands when walking and sleeping.

3. When a successful woman thinks about having an intimate relationship with a significant other, what is a healthy way to be together around money?

As you know, couples fight a lot about money, so you need to have a plan. Some couples are fine pooling all of their money together, and some are not. It often depends on whether the couple has complementary money styles. With second marriages and lots of business assets, some women are asking for pre-nups, which may make sense. Another model that works is having each partner keep their own bank accounts, and then have a joint account that they both contribute to for paying bills, taxes, home repairs, etc. That way, each person has their own money to spend as they wish. But it is important to have conversations about retirement savings, long-term care insurance, children, etc., so that you have a joint plan for the future that you both contribute to.

Another alternative is for couples to pool their money for the most part, but each keep a personal savings account that gets funded regularly for special things, like spa treatments, fancy shoes, sporting events, art classes, etc. Regardless of which model you choose, there has to be trust as a foundation. When couples have addictions and/or start hiding money info, trouble is brewing. When I did couples counseling for many years, we used to say that there are 6 people in every marital bed – the couple, and both sets of parents. All of those points of view and practices have to be sorted out so that the new couple can work together – despite their differences – and find a happy compromise.

If you have a partner who is a gambler or out of control with money or doesn’t pay bills on time, you need to protect yourself from those credit risks. There can be other issues if the woman makes more or less money than her partner, and another key element is for the stay-at-home parent’s role to be valued and compensated. For couples who get caught in a tangled web around money, getting a money consultation with a CFP and/or therapist is essential if you want to keep the marriage romantic and happy. When the negotiations around planning and money are over, you need to flip the switch again and focus on each other!

Gail is currently on a Blog Book Tour. You can find yesterday’s post here on Janet Conner’s website ‘Writing Down Your Soul,’ and tomorrow you’ll be able to find Gail here with empowering author Marilyn Tam.

Book Giveaway Contest – Enter to Win!

Want to win a copy of Gail’s newest book The Twelve Secrets of Highly Successful Women? The rules are e-a-s-y! First, ‘Like’ my Facebook fan page. Second, leave a comment below about your secret to maintaining femininity in your own relationship – especially if you’re a Type-A go-getter. Share your wisdom and be entered to win! Five winners will be announced December 21, 2011.